Fireworks

Spent New Year's Eve with Dong and Charles. We were meant to be at the museum but somehow we ended up at the Esplanade. There were hordes of people, and fireworks. For some reason, the fireworks made me really depressed and after that I just went on feeling depressed. Before the fireworks I felt fine, I was having fun, even. Maybe. Maybe it was just cause I managed to focus more on not getting trampled by the crowd.

Anyway, Dong's the very first person I hugged this year! :D And Charles is the first person I swore at. Yes be real proud, it's a great honour.

Took a train back from Clarke Quay - luckily the service got extended til 1:45am - and walked back from Serangoon station. It was a good ten minute walk, and it was nice - very sort of - to be alone for a bit.

Wherever I looked the whole evening and night, there were happy people. Shiny happy people, as R.E.M. put it. There were couples and groups of friends everywhere and I felt a little bummed.

Blah, whatever. Everything's on hold, frozen, and there's nothing I can do about it. No matter how I wish, how I argue with myself and how much I cry, I can't change anything, so I guess I'll just have to let time run its course, though it's not easy hanging like this and not knowing what will happen.

Eight months. Eight months and I'm left wondering what will happen. I wish I knew. Every time I think, I feel like crying. Most times I hold back, but sometimes it's overwhelming.
And I tend to think a lot.
It hurts, it just fucking hurts.

Happy New Year.